Then CIA black ops director Marke (Toni Collette) appears to draft him back into the XXX programme, because she needs to recapture a gadget terrorists are using to drop satellites from orbit onto carefully chosen targets. X assembles a team of his old pals (actually newcomers, played by Kris Wu, Ruby Rose and Rory Mc Cann), plus a hot computer geek (Nina Dobrev), and chases down the team of equally extreme baddies (Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Tony Jaa and Michael Bisping).
And as they head to London, the Philippines and Detroit, everyone realises that there's something else going on here.
And this franchise relaunch is just as random, with a nonsensical thriller storyline that exists merely to string together a sequence of explosive stunt trickery.
Thankfully, this time the cast and crew make it clear that they know how preposterous this is. He's whizzing around the jungles of the Dominican Republic, wooing sweaty, scantily clad babes and keeping the locals cheering at his exploits.
In 2008, he welcomed his daughter Hania Riley into the world with his girlfriend Paloma Jimenez.
He is fond of the Dominican Republic and knows President Leonel Fernandez personally.
There probably isn't a law of physics that isn't broken in this movie.